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The Secret to Communication

“ESFJ” Extraverted, with Sensing, Feeling & Judging

Feeler (F)	Dominant Function	Favorite Function
Sensing (S)	Auxiliary Function	Second Favorite Function
Intuition (N)	Tertiary Function	Third Favorite Function
Thinking (T)	Inferior Function	Least Favorite Function

The “secret” to talk and communication is in understanding that we need to speak to other people in the manner they want to be spoken to. Very much like going to Italy and speaking Italian, even if one speaks poor Italian out of a guide-book, one will communicate better and go farther, and have more fun communicating if one speaks what the Italian wants and is “conditioned” to hear.

It is an off-shoot of the “mirror image” principle.

The “Mirror Image” Principle states that you looking at me would feel the most comfortable in every way, if you could see (experience) a mirror image of yourself looking back at you.

So, from a Myers-Briggspersonality perspective, extraverted people, ESFJ in this case, prefer to speak to others in the “language” if you will, of their own “extraverted” dominant function of “Feeling”; and, they will speak that way to everyone! It matters not if they are meeting you for the first time or already know you well. For ESFJs the dominant function is the ability to see the reason in the world and make decisions strongly as a “Feeler”.

So the “ESFJ” personality will speak and be most comfortable when spoken to in the language of “Feeling”. (Compassion, Empathy, Harmony)

The “ESFJ” is most challenged in communication with “intuitive”, “thinking” type personalities. The “ESFJ” is most strongly challenged by a dominant “thinker”. The reason is that the “ESFJs” ability to speak “thinking” is most limited due to the fact that the “thinking” function of ESFJ” is the least used, least energized, least preferred function.

So, we must become, “speakers of foreign languages”, in a manner of speaking. In this case, the dominant “Feeler” must speak in the language of the “Thinker”. It may be, depending upon the other person, that the dominant “Feeler” will have to speak, Intuition, or Thinking, again depending upon the other person’s dominant function.

So, we want to “read” the other person as best we can in relationships, and make efforts to not criticize the difference we perceive, but accept the difference, and literally “speak” in the language of that difference.

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